I was standing outside my class leaning towards one of the pillars when her touch brought me back from the realm of thoughts that I had now become a bonified citizen of. When I turned around to look at her, she looked very worried and asked if I was ok.

I weakly said yes because I really wasn’t in the mood to talk about anything moreso even if I did it wasn’t as if there was anything she could do to help.

Of course she didn’t believe me because she had been talking to me for a while and only decided to touch me when she noticed I wasn’t responding.

That surprised even me because I didn’t know I was that deep in thoughts but all I said to her was that I would be fine even though I didn’t believe that myself.

My Secret Battles

I knew I had faced different obstacles in life before and God had seen me through them all but I just didn’t see a way out of this one.

Somehow it was as if the devil had successfully shut down everything I had always believed about God how that there was nothing impossible with him.

I was totally blinded by my predicament and can you really blame me?

The Issue Of Cancer And Financial Instability

My mom was battling cancer and my dad who made very little from selling drugs in a shop on our street had to borrow to foot most of the bills.

I had two younger siblings in school who were more priority to my dad even if he were to send anything to anyone.

Meanwhile these siblings sometimes reach out to me when they seem to have hit a rock financially.

I couldn’t get a proper job because school was very demanding so the little money I made from selling snacks which

I had learnt before gaining admission into the tertiary institution was barely enough for me to feed.

Depression Led To Pornography & Masturbation

Payment of school fees in my school closes in two weeks and there’s literally nowhere I can get help from except there’s a miracle.

I couldn’t even pray to God because my depression had led me back into pornography and masturbation. An habit I thought I had overcome.

I felt filthy and unworthy to talk to God so instead I just pen them down in my diary.

Should I Just End It?

At this point for some strange reason I was already considering suicide. It was as if my sense of reasoning had been shut down.

How could I have been that selfish. I can’t imagine what would have happened to my dad who had been working his fingers to the bone just to get us educated and get mom back on her feet?

The news of my death would probably have killed my sick mom. My siblings, what would they have thought about the God I had always told them to be serious with?

God Really Cares!

Anyways thank God for God because he has always been very intentional about me. He’s so intentional about we humans that he has a number for every hair on our head.

I had gone home depressed that day because I got a test script and I had performed badly. I decided to pen down my pains in my diary.

I was always careful with it because I didn’t want anyone to know it’s content but this day I slept with it in my hands.

My Diary Got Noticed

My roommate who had at this point noticed I was keeping things to myself took the diary from me at night and went through it.

By morning she had read everything in it. I woke up and found her staring at me with my diary in her hands.

My heart jumped out of my mouth as I quickly snatched the book from her.

Then she said “choosing not to pray to God because of your sin is like choosing not to wash a cloth because it’s dirty.

It doesn’t make any sense!”

That statement brought back my senses that must have travelled miles away from me.

I broke down and poured out my heart to God sincerely. I felt very light and somehow felt unusually at peace.

For the first time, Jeremiah 29:11 made perfect sense to me,

“For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil to give you an expected end.”

I Found Peace

At some point I thought the peace I felt didn’t make sense but Jemima, my roommate, pointed my attention to Phillipians 4:6,

“Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving make your request know unto God and the peace of God that passeth all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

And that was it! The peace I felt was a sign from God that help is on the way. The peace was meant to keep my mind pending the time.

It would have been impossible for me to receive instructions from God if I was troubled.

It Happens Like Magic

That week I felt the urge to call one of my friends that we finished from the same secondary school and she was extremely excited about my call. She said she had been trying to reach me but my number had not been going through.

That was strange because my line had been active all through.

She said I should send my account details that she heard what happened with my mom and that she just wanted to help.

To my greatest shock, she sent an amount that would pay my school fees and still leave me with something tangible.

I couldn’t wrap my head about it and while I was in the middle of this fix, God spoke to me and asked me to trust him at all times because he is all knowing and he is always aware when I face difficulties.

That was my breakthrough because it served as my stepping stone into breaking free from addiction and also the supernatural healing of my mom.

Final Thought

Remember that God’s thoughts towards you are thoughts of peace so if your thoughts are taking away your peace then they are not God’s thoughts for you. Speak against them and speak the word of God over your life.